Clutter

I thought my mind won't work today, but here I go again, this haven of mine has and will always be my therapy, and so I write... 

Yesterday, someone let me realize something.

I have a separation anxiety to some things, it saddens me if I have to give it away or I have to put it to trash. I still believe I can put it to good use, hold on to the memory it brings back. Just as a familiar smell brings back a pile of recollection, it gives me simple joy to reminisce the good times I had when I see a certain thing.  

But having a hard time to let go of things caused me much, it accumulates and I found myself surrounded with a lot a clutter, suffocating and sometimes preventing me from moving around with ease. Funny thing though, I know this stuff just gives me that sudden jerk of a not so distant past or maybe put an effortless smile on my face but these are all lifeless materials. There is only one thing I like about them, they can't say goodbye, even if they were torn down or served its purpose already. They remain as long as I want them around but part from that a pillow, for example,  can’t hug me back even if I hug it tighter, a  string of lights can just give much shine but can’t brighten a whole town, flowers wilt, written poems can’t hold my hand when I’m sad, books can’t cuddle me when I’m tired and even a collection of DVDs can’t wipe my tears the moment it falls down. .

Human beings can. Friends and people who matter can.

Thus I am not surprised that amidst the chaos I am into right now, the pain, the tears and even the constant jabs of egoistic thinking, I find peace in my heart. I know family and friends are sent by God to do the things lifeless materials can’t –they can love or hurt me. I treasure each and every one of them, it does not matter if I just met them once, spent a couple of months together, or someone I’ve been with for years now. They all encompass the Sweet I am today.

We wait for a Monday or the 1^st day of the month or even another year for resolutions before we act. I myself am guilty of that. But then again, friends come and go to, sometimes at the most unexpected occasion, just to let us realize that nothing is permanent and we don’t need a good date or a good day to start something new. I am writing this in between cleaning the mess that surrounds me, I have to stop and inscribe because I may forget about it after an hour.  I have this short term memory issues.

I am half way through, the junk shop would be happy to see the rubbish stuff I will be letting go. I will definitely retain just those with very significant meaning; the rest will have to go. What about the memories it brings? I‘ll just draw it from my heart.

I won’t expect my things to come back walking, knocking on my door or even pleading to take them back. Of course they won’t! But if they can hear me, I will just have to say that life moves on, people work hard, time will pass, night and day will reveal itself, and memories will just be cherished even there aren’t things around to remind me.

".. let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us... fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith... No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it" (Hebrews 12:1-2, 11)