Skipping work today isn't a bad decision after all, I was home alone and I cant help but think about the things that happened...the BAD things. Apart from the slight fever, I thought I would regret giving my mind an opportunity to rekindle everything, I was in bed the whole day and all I did was look at the white ceiling thinking I'll find the answers to my questions.
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Three weeks ago, at almost exactly the same time I thought it was the end of the world for me, I was so devastated than I would cry more than I would eat. Doing the usual things but my subconscious was somewhere else. My trip to Mindoro that week was perfect to be alone with nature. I could count in my fingers ( on one hand) the times I received flowers and chocolates but God let me see the wonderful blue sky and the lovable sunset and that's greater than any tulips or ferrero. I would wish that all my sorrows that time set with the sun so that at the breaking of dawn I will feel better. I wasn't successful, maybe because i still need to feel certain emotions that could make me a stronger person. My companion in Mindoro: my iPod and a book entitled "Captivating" , brilliant and very true it made me realize my essence as a woman. At the end of the week, I decided to say goodbye to the boogy guy since I believe it was the best thing to do. But as I bid goodbye I know that my hope is larger than life that he would come back, fight for me, say that he did mistakes and will ever be regretful for what happened and he would want me back... well, nothing like that happened. Just a simple " wait for me" was thrown in the air. The remaining days of the week was even tougher,worse I spent it at my hometown, my pain being obvious to my mother. I would just cry often and would rarely eat. Why am I crying? Maybe because I was so sad that a love was lost..
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Third week was even better, I started my therapy, unfortunately it was a shopping therapy! If my calculation is right, I bought around 15 pieces of blouses,gowns and pants, had my Spa treat, watched Gary V concert and the big time therapy? I bought an SLR camera! We can never buy happiness but at least I have something close to that.. hahaha...
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As for me, it's as if a bullet was taken out of my heart. I know I loved him dearly, but that doesn't mean I will continue to wait for the last thing at the Pandora's Box... to hope that he really did love me. Enough is enough.
Today, I realized a lot of things, it is so wonderful to be alive and be able to love. Grateful for the stitches of life God is offering me. As of today, this chapter of my life is finally over. I will never look back. I will never have a happy ending on this chapter, so it's time to start with a new beginning... A new chapter that I will color with brilliant pastels just like the last time. It will not assure me yet of a fairy tale ending but I am so excited for the wondrous things God planned for me. I will trust Him and believe that he is the best writer in universe. It's payback time... and just like a friend of mine said...the SWEETEST revenge is living a happy life.
I will end this blog with lyrics from another song, this time from Eric Bennet:
In the End
But in the end, a little love's gonna bring you back again
And in the end, every answer is written on the wind
And in the end, looking back you can finally understand
He was always there besides you, you'll see
Cause I know the fight
When you struggle every moning
Just the face that world one more day
And you holding onto life
While i know the wind is blowing
Just believe your help is on the way
In the end, you're gonna find that strength that lies within
And in the end, you're gonna get there no matter where you' ve been
Cause in the end, well the one through is love will always win
And the hand of God will guide you
Just believe him and let him in
