"manong bayad po..."

Nakakaburaot talaga. Tsk! Tanghaling tapat ako umalis ng bahay upang pumasok sa eskwela. Napakainit talaga. Nakalimutan kong dalhin ang aking pamaypay na anahaw kung kaya naman nagtiyaga na lamang ako sa kapirasong papel na nagsilbing aking pamatid sa mainit na panahon. Nag jeep lang ako. Mahal na ang sumakay sa tren. Mahal na din sa jeep pero mas tipid pa din. Nagiipon ako ngayon kaya kailangang magtiis. Pagdating sa eskwela, walang ibang ginawa ang propesor ko kundi magpasulat ng magpasulat sa kuwaderno gamit gamit ang kanyang “high-tech” na laptop. Apat na oras ng walang patid na sulat dito at sulat doon. Ang isang daang pahina ng bagong bili kong kuwaderno ay nangalahati na.

 

            Ika- anim na ng gabi ng matapos ang leksyon ko, nagmamadali akong umalis ng eskwelahan dahil may ensayo pa ako ng alas syete ng gabi ding yaon. Pagtapak ko sa labas ay di ko mawari kung talaga bang lumulubog na ang araw o di kaya’y dala lamang ng maitim ng ulap ang kadilimang bumabalot sa paligid ko. Kidlat! Kulog! Naku, uulan na naman ng malakas. Binuksan ko ang aking payong, at napailing na lamang ako ng maalala kong gutay-gutay na nga pala ang payong na aking binitbit.  Kakabili ko lang nito noong isang araw sa halagang Isaang daan at dalawampung piso. Matapos kong gamitin ng dalawang beses ay di ito nagwagi sa malakas na hangin. Sayang ..pero sa mga oras na yon, ginamit ko pa din ang payong sa pagbabakasakaling maisalba ko man lang ang pagkalugi ko dito.

 

            Maynila ito. Malakas ang ulan. Baha. Trapiko. At hindi nga ako nagkamali, pinagtiisan ko na lamang sumandal sa bakal na namamagitan sa bintana ng jeep. Niyapos ang aking sisidlan ng gamit at sabay ipinikit ang mga mata. Sayang naman ang oras. Tulog. Saan ka ba naman nakatana ng ganitong pangyayari, na ng ipikit mo ang mata mo at pagdilat mo matapos ang 30 minuto ay nandoon pa din ang jeep sa kinasasadlakan nito sa prehong lugar. Trapiko..trapiko! Nangigitata na ako. At huli na ng malaman kong ibang ruta pa pala ang dinaanan ng pampasaherong jeep na sinakyan ko. Matapos ang dalawang oras ay nasa huli sa tatlong sakay ng jeep na ako. Pagsakay ko ay halos kalahati na lamang ng likudan ko ang nakalasap ng upuan. Hindi ito ang  unang beses, akala yata ng driver ay pang singkwenta ang jeep nila. Magbabayad na sana ako ng humirit ang katapat ko “ Manong sukli sa bente. Tatlo” At humagalpak ng tawa ang nagmamaneho ng jeep – “ kulang pa nga ng piso eh!” At naalala ko na, tumaas na nga pala ulit ang pamasahe. May lalaki pang bumanat “ Baka naman peke ang taripa mo” Tawanan. At si Lola na katabi ko – “ Hindi pa naman na aaprub yan noh!” sabay abot ng kanyang Limang piso.

 

Wala lang..napailing lang talaga ako. Maynila nga ito. Mga Pilipino. Pero sabi ko sa sarili ko… pinagpapala pa din tayo. Ang bansang Pilipinas ay Bayan ng Diyos. Dito ko gustong tumanda. Araw ng Maynila bukas. Maynila Mahalin natin. Atin ito.Tama nga naman si Mayor.

 

Pilipino ako. –  “Manong bayad po” Sabay abot ko ng anim na piso.

The EYES that KNOCKS ME OFF MY FEET

 

Its independence day. I saw you.I am GLAD i saw you. 1830H

 

It is  funny every time I see you

What’s funnier is that I see you

in unexpected places

through unexpected people

A Link I am so thankful to GOd

As you calls my name

My heart would skip a bit

My Zygomatic muscle would start to move

And I would be returning what you deserve to have.

a smile.

I remember your smile.

Yes, the Smile that reflects even in your eyes

And your eyes would tell everything about you.

Your humility. Your kind Heart.Your sincere voice.

Perhaps, it will be just like that

Gazing at  you from afar

Just like a star in the heaven's sky

And I will thank the Creator

For the creation called YOU.

 

 

 

 

 

 

IMMUNITY

1500H somewhere in the chu chu train

 

She never knew she made the wrong turn. It was the cave! The cave she wished didn’t exist. But it’s the only way out to the other side. And now she’s trapped. No way to turn back now, why does she have to go through it, thorns were all over the cave’s ground, stalactites was also not too far away. It doesn’t matter, it will not take long. Seconds she guessed, besides she has to be on the other side in no time. Prick! The thorn of all thorns perforated in her skin, but she didn’t mind it at first. She has to be strong. And on her last few steps, no time to look back, it doesn’t deserve even a second look just like what the woman did when Sodom and Gomorrah was being punished. She walked away just fine, but the wicked thorn was still there in her skin.

 

Now, is the right time to bleed, upon leaving that cave, for no echoes will be heard, not even a sniff can be perceived. They thought you were strong and you know how to get along.  BLEED..BLEED..B-L-E-E-D!!!!

 

But to her surprise, no blood yet?! She waited …still not even a single drop of it. She smiled. IMMORTAL as she can be.

SUmMeR 2005

The Summer 2005 had been very remarkable. I believe I have accomplished some things that I can forever reminisce in my life; at last I have pulled myself out of the gutter. Before, I would always asked God, why would He allow breaking me and even tearing me into pieces in order to experience life and I would mourn and complain how  can I ever be whole again. But God made me realized one thing and told me -  “Sweet, you have to pick up all the pieces and give it to me, so I may fix it and you may be whole again” (Straight into my very heart!) I was ashamed for being unfaithful to my Father. But it is indeed true, once I never let go of the things that keeps on haunting me I can never be free. I almost turned to be a cynical person because of the pieces I was trying to bury six feet under.

 

I have been a witness. To other people’s happiness:  from new found relationships, graduating in school, gotten from a new job, having a new toy, passing the board, to  proving  his worth..blah..blah..blah...but I  also saw the other side of the world : from losing a relationship, being fired form a job, being diagnosed with a disease, punished because of being stubborn, being rejected to simply waking up thinking he doesn’t have any purpose at all.

 

I guess reality really bites.

 

But in spite these things, I can claim that God has been victorious in my life. Just when I thought I was useless…the “When SWEET turned BITTER” days were over.

 

Lemme just share how God made my summer marvelous. I got a Dance class with reputable choreographers for FREE courtesy of my Christian community and to conclude it we will be having a Dance recital by mid June. I had two Retreats, one in SFC and the other, from my Nursing school. It was splendid. I was given the opportunity to serve in a conference and met new friends. Our Christian Life Program also started last 05.05.05 and so far every Thursday is victorious. I was even given the privilege to share my experience as a YFC making the move to SFC. Broken relationships were healed. I even saw friends I never saw for years and got the chance to have a conversation with them. I watched good movies this month, had a Thai massage,  I ate great foods and even tasted the mango shake for the very first time! (that’s for real!) I shared my giggles and “kilig” moments to wonderful persons, I even laughed as if it was my last with the jokes cracked by my friend, travel my way home with a bunch of humored people, posed for a lot of pictures and even wore my wings on a gathering.

Looking back...what I experienced was pretty normal; perhaps you, who is reading this have better stories and wonderful experiences. But I learned we don’t have to look far to find the joy we are seeking for. Sometimes, we would just have to seek within our perimeter. God is there. Even the answers to our questions are also there because if we would go around and travel far just to look for what’s missin’ it may be too late. Don’t deprive yourself of the small things that can still make you smile. A friend once told me there is a difference between Happiness and Joy though they seem to mean one thing. Joy is a deeper word since happiness came from a root word meaning “chance”. I didn’t bother to prove her right or wrong but what stimulated my brain cells was the fact that we can choose to be happy and or joyful. It’s not only by chance, but we are responsible for every action we will be showing, the words we will be saying and the tremendous decisions we will be doing.

 

Everyday is a new day. The moment we choose to open our eyes and continue letting the Carbon dioxide turned into Oxygen and used by our blood, there is life. We have life and we should not waste it by indulging in bereavement for all the pain we have accumulated. The pain will never go away by itself, perhaps it will be intermittent but it will always find its way back. We just have to be ready. If PAIN wanna have a piece of you..never loose the courage to fight it back..for after the pain and we become wounded, no one can treat your gash, sore,lesions and the likes but only yourself, your own platelets. After that…we can all be Wounded Healers.

 

Can’t wait for my next summer!

 

As days goes by I would still be praying the same prayer…

 

”God grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I cannot change, the COURAGE to change the things I can and theWISDOM to know the difference.”

 

My friend….

 

LET GO and LET GOD.