Why me?

It’s as if I was dreaming, I tried to contain the misery but I also want to break down and cry. Cry my heart out until I’ll be dehydrated and eventually die. Grieve over a love that was lost and perhaps would never go back again. They say “suffering occurs when we want other people to love us in the way we imagine we want to be loved, and not in the way that love should manifest itself-free and untrammeled, guiding us with it’s force and driving us on- The Zahir by Paolo Coelho ” but is it also true that we have to demand and long for a faithful love right?

Yesterday seemed to be the longest day for me this year, I would just stop and think about some things and I would sob and wipe unintentional tears. Everything seemed to be black and gray, colors where nowhere to be found. I lost it, the rainbow I was looking for and the pot of gold was not even there or I thought so it would be there.

Sometimes I would think I am selfish, at some point stupid or maybe “martyr” if this generation still use such word. I forgave easily the person I love but I wasn’t expecting it was hard to forget. Pieces of the crap that happened intermittently flashes in my mind, hunting me and questioning myself. “What the hell is wrong with me?” Why would it be me? Even though I ask, I definitely know the answers, not to the incident per se but why it was me, of all people it has been always me! Well, because I am God’s favorite and as usual I cant have any problem that I cannot handle ( easy to say but hard to accept) and I now Papa (God) is with me in my sorrows and He has greater plans on why all of these are happening not yesterday, not tomorrow but TODAY!